Mental Abuse, a small epiphany
I was thinking about my last visit to the psychologist the other night, as you do when you’re trying to fall asleep and your brain just keeps spinning stuff around, and it hit me that the way I’m handling myself now is probably very close to how I’d be handling myself coming out of an abusive relationship.
I had a really bad experience with my previous job and going through it with my psychologist made me realize that in many ways my experience at work was similar to that of an emotionally abusive relationship. And now I’m having trouble looking for a new job because I’m scared it’s going to happen again.
Also, while working over the summer last year I wasn’t necessarily aware of it but I walked around just waiting for the metaphorical rug to be pulled from out under my feet, for the abuse to start again. Which is incredibly draining and not something I could do anything about as I wasn’t necessarily aware of it. Although, I highly doubt there’s much I can do about it now that I do know about it either, I think it’s just something that time will have to heal. And hopefully better treatment in my next potential job.
It’s a weird feeling, but the way I act and feel makes so much more sense to me after I made the connection. I just hope I can figure out a way to get some sense of worth back… Both for myself and life in general. Right now everything’s feeling pretty useless.