Let’s get on with it
Still not finished the two draft posts, but the ideas for them are still swimming around in my head so they will be finished at some point in time.
For now though, I have other things on my mind!
Lately I’ve had a bit of a roller coaster in terms of mood. One day everything has felt completely pointless except for the moments spent with Remi or talking to the friends over Skype, but in general everything seemed pointless. The next day I feel empowered and invigorated but end up doing sod all.
As a side note my inspiration have persisted throughout, thankfully. It does feel good to actually have ideas again.
I’ve noticed an interesting little thing though… The things that I struggle with in art are similar to the things I struggle with in my day to day life.
For example, in art I’m struggling with allowing myself to make mistakes and I struggle with allowing myself to make mistakes in general. I struggle with trusting myself to draw a line correctly and I struggle with trusting myself to do anything correctly. I’m tired of banging my head against invisible stigmas in art (such as fan art is dirty and cheap art and I shouldn’t sit around and draw only this or that that everyone else does too). And I’m tired of constantly being scared of everything outside the door (and quite a few inside the house too) and what people think about me and my art.
Bottom line is that I’m sick and tired of being stuffed into this little box labeled “normal” then being constantly scared of doing something wrong and always trying to be the “good girl” who listens to everyone’s “good advice”.
My only problem is that this behaviour and these fears are so ground into my personality that most of the time I don’t know how to combat them and end up being stuck in the same old fears anyhow.
So right now, I’m clinging to the few good things and “right” choices that I have and trying to edge towards those long hidden dreams that I’ve secretly kept and nurtured in a dark corner. It’s certainly not easy, but there are some things that I have always wanted, but never dared do or simply gave up because someone told me to.
Now, one of those things that I’ve kept around but slightly in a corner has been art. I did give up studying it because people told me “you can’t make a living out of that, it’s too harsh a business”, but it has always been around in some form.
And now, I’m working on letting go of any preconceptions and just going for it, drawing whatever I want to draw. And considering that for the first time in years, I really have inspiration I’m planning on making the most of it. And after picking out my watercolors for the first time in roughly five or six years and finding it was awesomely fun fooling around with them I’ve started drawing more traditionally as well.
In addition I’ve fallen in love with the ACEO format, it’s perfect practice for me to draw small things like that! But right now, I’m working on a big A3 sized piece of my One Winged Angel (See progress on the left). So far I think I have most of the watercolor work done on it and I’ll move over to acrylics for some over painting and detailing. And a try at salvaging that wonky eye.
Now though, I will go and mentally try to prepare myself to face people at karate practice. D=
Edit: To see a slightly bigger version of the in progress picture, check the art page and then the “Sketches & WiP” gallery.
(or if you are lazy, click here)